New Year

I love beginning a new year. Fresh calenders begging to be filled. Birthdays waiting to be planned. Vacations beckoning. The idea that growing, changing and living await me in the 365 days ahead.

This year, the thought of newness is even closer as our little son squirms and wiggles inside me...a mere three weeks from joining our family. I am so eager to see his sweet face, and also uneasy about the changes his arrival will bring. I am a bit nervous about scheduling, cooking, shopping, cleaning and parenting as I figure out how to juggle having four children ages 5 and under, but I also feel confident that things will work themselves out...if I just relax and don't try to be superwoman too soon!

The decade of my 20's brought college, love, marriage, home ownership, children and career changes. What will come in my 30's? I anticipate personal and spiritual growth, parenting challenges and successes, a thriving marriage and deep friendships. I hope we reach specific financial goals, travel to some new places and challenge ourselves to live even more generously. I really look forward to getting back into shape for good! : )

Welcome, 2011. Can't wait to see what you have for me.

Let the Ride Begin

Nick lost his job.

There, I've said it.

How do I feel? Amazingly, I feel peace. Security. The feeling that everything will be fine. I admit, it's been a journey to reach this place, but I'm here and I'm excited to see the ways that God will work to provide for our family.

Our school district is in upheaval right now...fighting parental apathy, closing schools, letting many, many teachers go. Nick just happens to be nontenured, the group of teachers first on the chopping block, so his position will be filled by a tenured teacher. There are hundreds of teachers applying for few openings, so his prospects for next year are fairly non-existant.

When the news of his (indefinite?) unemployment sank in, I felt a bit of panic. We have three small children, monthly bills, house payments, food...how would we stay above water? Nick is a very skilled carpenter, so I knew he could be self employed in that way, but the uncertainty of steady income scared me.

I began to think about several things:
1. I want Nick to love the work he does. And, he LOVES the satisfaction of working with his hands - he finds great fulfillment in seeing a project from beginning to end.

2. I KNOW God will provide. He is good, He is our Father, and from the day Nick and I were married He has been so faithful to meet our family's needs. I am foolish to ask for proof of how He will provide, when He has given such ample evidence of his faithfulness.

3. It is good for me to live by faith. To trust that we will be given our daily bread. To marvel with my children at the way God meets our needs. To embrace a simple life - one without frills and excess and clutter. To live in the excited joy of met needs and answered prayers. To be stretched when circumstances aren't easy.

The next year or so will be interesting for us. I sense that it will be a pivotal time in our family's story...can't wait to see what happens!

Cemetery

This may sound strange, but I enjoy taking my boys on bike rides through our local, historic cemetery. It's quiet and peaceful, and I don't have to worry about my little bikers getting in the way of joggers or cars.

It's also a wonderful way to show them that death is a part of life.

To talk about heaven.

To think about the kind of legacy I want to leave behind.

To remind myself that I have these three children for a short and fragile bit of time...that although my days may seem long, my moments with them are precious.

I want my moments with them to matter for eternity.

The True Measure

Thought this was really good...

Whether it was back in seventh-grade or just yesterday, females compare themselves to each other constantly, if quietly. Are you there? Battered by the winds of insecurity or possessions?

At the root of these feelings is a fear that who we are is not enough. A deceptive voice that tells us we're threatened by others. And a profound desire to have, that tramples on the blessings God has already given us. If left to fester, these feelings can erode a woman's inner peace, and eat away at her family's views of God's provision as well.

You can pray your way out. God adores you. Every baby-scarred, bleary-eyed, doubting inch of you. Ask him to free you from self-destructive comparisons. Imagine a world where we celebrate each woman's strengths, without making them our own weaknesses.

Susan Besze Wallace

Enough

I have had a crazy swirl of thoughts in my brain for the past week. Nothing I could really pin down, but tragic news from Haiti, thoughts of a friend's brave humility in facing her family's needs, our own tight budget, the cold, grey weather...all have been combining to make me a little sad and a little thoughtful, with a dash of sudden clarity.

We have enough.

I am not mixing up mud pies to take the edge off my children's starvation. I am not pulling my husband's mangled body from the wreckage of our home. I am not singing praises to my God with tears streaming down my face as I stand near the pile of rubble that used to be my church. I am not suddenly robbed of my family and alone in my fears and brokenness.

I am rich.