Worldview

Ash came up to me while I was preparing lunch today and asked, "Why are we having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches again?"

I told him in a conversational way that we should be glad that we have pb&j, because there are kids in Africa right now that are very hungry. Kids that would LOVE to have a sandwich to eat. Kids that might only have a little water to drink today.

He said, "oh." And left the kitchen.

A few minutes later, I'd forgotten the conversation, but Ash came in and said brightly, "Mom! I just prayed for the kids in Africa! So they could have food!"

I felt so glad as I heard those words, but as I turned to praise him, I saw his eyes. They were wet and blotchy, and my heart broke. Asher had been weeping for those hungry boys and girls on the other side of the world. I held him in my arms, and he cried some more.

We talked about some things we could do to make a difference. Ash's face showed huge relief and joy at the thought of finding a child in Africa to send money for food, clothes and schooling.

I wonder about my boy. About a four year old with a heart so big that he would cry with empathy for children he has never seen. A boy so generous that he told me to take all of his money for these children because he "doesn't need it." What kind of man will he be? How will he be used by God? How will he serve? How can I guide and encourage him so he never loses this way of seeing the world?

My heart is so full.

Wish

Colin looked up from his breakfast and said, "I wish there was a kind of eyebrow that didn't have a space over your nose. One that was connected all the way across."

I made him very happy when I told him that this kind of eyebrow did indeed exist.

In real life.

Marriage

Sometimes crying together brings you closer
than anything else could.

Cemetery

This may sound strange, but I enjoy taking my boys on bike rides through our local, historic cemetery. It's quiet and peaceful, and I don't have to worry about my little bikers getting in the way of joggers or cars.

It's also a wonderful way to show them that death is a part of life.

To talk about heaven.

To think about the kind of legacy I want to leave behind.

To remind myself that I have these three children for a short and fragile bit of time...that although my days may seem long, my moments with them are precious.

I want my moments with them to matter for eternity.

Spring

I am sick at home
and thinking of Spring.

Colin's Prayer

Lord, shanks for our food.
Shanks that we believe in you.
Shanks that we have the whole world to explore.
Shanks that we are always with our mom and dad and our little sister Eva
Amen.

Revelation

I felt like the clouds parted today, and I had a revelation.

It happened as I was teaching the boys. Eva fell, so I was holding and comforting her as I attempted to teach the boys about greater & less, counting pennies, and other wonderful "math" topics.

It was during this crazy moment that I realized how our family will thrive during our years of homeschooling. It may be messy, but we will be together. Learning and sharing life in a way unique to our family...in a way Nick and I have chosen as best for our family.

I have been in love with the idea of homeschooling, but tepid at the thought of actually doing it. Today, I felt joy as I realized how right it feels to be with my children as they learn, grow, question, laugh and change. At that moment, I felt the privilege and not the sacrifice, and for that I am grateful.