One

My baby girl turned one today.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to have a daughter. A baby who will grow into a girl, then turn into a teenager, then transform into a woman...

I've been thinking about innocence. About confidence. About beauty. About strength...and all the other things I want Eva to have and to be...

I love my daughter! She is funny, outgoing and affectionate. Unafraid of large dogs or heights, she explores her world with wonder and abandon. She has a little vampire smile and sparkling hazel eyes. She adores her big brothers.

She is a gift.

Happy birthday, Eva!

Going Rogue

I have no qualms about turning 30.

In fact, I have found myself amazed at how comfortable I've become with who I am. How confident I feel in my own skin. How much I've learned. How much I am growing.

The only thing that has surprised me is my hair. I have always pictured myself as a woman who ages gracefully and naturally, with a laugh-lined face and silver hair...

I just didn't expect that silver hair to start appearing in my twenties.

Enough

I have had a crazy swirl of thoughts in my brain for the past week. Nothing I could really pin down, but tragic news from Haiti, thoughts of a friend's brave humility in facing her family's needs, our own tight budget, the cold, grey weather...all have been combining to make me a little sad and a little thoughtful, with a dash of sudden clarity.

We have enough.

I am not mixing up mud pies to take the edge off my children's starvation. I am not pulling my husband's mangled body from the wreckage of our home. I am not singing praises to my God with tears streaming down my face as I stand near the pile of rubble that used to be my church. I am not suddenly robbed of my family and alone in my fears and brokenness.

I am rich.

Regret

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

I'm not a John Mayer fan, but this song is definitely one woven into the fabric of my being. I have a very quick boiling point when I see thoughtless fathers tearing down their precious daughters. I witnessed such an "incident" while out grocery shopping last night, and it's been hurting me ever since.

Wish there was something I could do.

Growing Up

We went to a local kid's playplace this morning so the boys could run off some energy.

After a while, Ash came up to me with this picture in hand. He'd made a new friend.

And I had a glimpse into the future.

Dragons

It was -3 degrees when we left for the gym this morning.

Colin sat quietly in the back of the van, watching his breath come out in smokey puffs.

After a few minutes, he asked me seriously, "Mom, are we dragons?"

Asher's Letter

Asher loves my brother Josh! As you can see in the photo, Josh is the kind of high-energy guy that will not only jump with his nephews on a trampoline, he'll throw them up in the air WHILE on said trampoline.

Josh is a high school math teacher, leads worship at his church AND has a Beneli Super Black Eagle rifle. Uncle Josh and Aunt Erin mentioned once that they'd love to have Ash and Colin come over for a sleepover...after hunting season was over.

Asher's been anxiously counting the days, and when he realized that January marked the end of hunting season, sent Uncle Josh this letter:

Dear Uncle Josh

When are we going to your house? I really want to cause I want to get out of our house right now because Eva is crying and she is really annoying and hurting my ears with all that screaming.

I really love you Josh, and I will always love you.

I can bring a game. I will play with your games.

When will you have your baby?

I want to play Road Runner and Coyote Wyote with you, upstairs and downstairs.
I really love you cause you're so good, and you like to play that game with me. Don't play too rough when we play Coyote Wyote.

Josh, I love you, and I will always be your friend, Josh.

Love, your friend,
Asher